Quotes - whatever I dreamed of last night that I can still remember.
Italics - what my thoughts are as of this point.
This is a dream that I had last night. I couldn’t shake it off because of the lingering emotions, memories and feelings inside me that wanted that dream to stay inside me.
“It was senior year in high school. Things were pretty fun, I had a blast living every moment of it. The only thing missing was sharing it with someone you love. Then I found her. Jenny. Despite two years younger than me and someone who can pass as my kouhai, she had a cute face and a personality that matches my expectations. I had feelings for her, but I was too shy to admit it. Despite all this, I had so much fun hanging out with not just her, but with all of her friends that happen to be my friends as well. Days had passed. Exams were over. It was time for graduation. We seniors were practicing how to walk onto the podium in a formal manner, as well as accepting the diplomas while the juniors and below just attend school for whatever reasons.
Then came graduation. It was an unforgettable moment. All those years you spent with your friends, now they’re moving on to bigger and better things. After congratulating each and every one of my friends in my class, I was near one of the entrances of the school, where a small garden is. To my surprise, Jenny showed up and she wanted to listen what she had to say, and so I did. I was surprised when these words came out from her mouth:
‘I want to tell you something that I couldn’t back then because there were people around and I didn’t want to sound like a fool… Richard, I… really like you! I want to go on a date with you!’
At that moment, I felt my heart leaped up in joy, and at the same time I blushed because she confessed and asked me out in the same sentence. But I brushed those feelings aside because I could finally spend some time with the girl I really liked!
So I accepted and we started dating after graduation.
We held hands, as we walked back to the graduation spot. Of course, we were blushing, but that didn’t matter because it felt like me and her, is like a fairy tale dream came true for her, and my dream of sharing the best times with someone you truly care and love, came true.
Afterwards, she had to leave because her parents had called her and it was time for her to leave, but she asked me:
‘Want to hang out later today at the mall?’
‘Sure! That’s a great idea! What time?’ I replied.
‘How’s about at 4?’
‘I’m fine with that, see you then!’
But before she left, she gave me a kiss on the lips, I blushed, but closed my eyes and let the moment take over me.
A few hours had passed, I was waiting inside the mall until a familiar figure arrived.
She came in with a bright blue dress that made her really pretty than before.
‘Wanna grab a bite to eat?’ I asked.
‘Where to?’ Jenny asked.
‘I know a good place. Come with me.’ I smiled and grabbed her hand.
I was semi-running with her hand held tight on mine, and the two of us were happy. As we were walking down to the first floor of the mall and near the parking lot, I saw the skies were cloudy and it was already raining.
‘Man, why did the rain have to come now? But that doesn’t stop us, right, baby?’ I smiled.
‘With you around, I’m perfectly happy with it!’ she smiled back and held my arm.
So we grabbed a table for the two of us and got what we wanted. After we ate, we left with hands held together.
‘I had a fun time with you, Richard… If only moments like these would last forever…’ smiled Jenny, blushing.
‘Yeah… I know what you mean.’ I replied back.
Taking out a big umbrella we walked together until she asked me this:
‘Say… I want to do this…’ asked Jenny, blushing.
‘Do what, baby?’
She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. She held me close, I did the same. I dropped the umbrella, and we were kissing underneath the rain.”
As I woke up, thinking and realizing it was only just a dream, I felt like crying my heart out, because my heart, deep inside, is feeling cold, as if a blizzard has blown inside my heart and it not only hurt me from the inside, but outside as well. I wanted to hide my face in my knees and listen to my Reflection playlist. Remembering the times I once spent with her, all in the distant past. I’ve been depressed for nearly 4 years. I’m living with it as I type this. My life has been full of emotional regrets and I would usually get episodes of breakdowns so out of the blue and when the setting is right, I feel like locking myself up in a room and crying out my misery until it was over. That’s right. I’m in that moment right now. I want to cry myself out until I can return to my normal self. I can’t move on. It’s too hard for me to let go. It’s just… impossible.
